(This Blog post is a reprint of my most interacted with Facebook post. I’ve left Meta, but wanted to re-post here for those who enjoy a little cat humor.)
So, my sister is moving from our little northern Maine village to another, slightly larger middle Maine village (ah, young love!) While she’s getting packed, sorted, and settled, her cat, Gem, has been staying with me for a couple of weeks. Gem is an interesting roommate, full of opinions about everything. I thought I’d share, after the first week, some of her reviews of the local watering holes.
Without Further Ado: “The Taprooms on Tap,” by Gem
Kitchen Sink: Seasonally available in small quantities, this deconstructed drinking experience engages all the senses. This is water lapped from droplets after the post-afternoon meal wash-up, and serves up a complex, heady bouquet of stainless steel with high notes of coffee and breakfast oatmeal. The staccato chorus of Will You Get Off the Kitchen Counter? from the House Band pleasantly rounds out the ambience. Five Stars: Highly Recommend.
Vase Water: Infused with gladiolus stems, this summer blend hits all the right notes. The distinctive service here, the water is poured in a rounded vessel garnished with fresh flowers, does offer some challenges: the stems must be pulled, a paw inserted for licking, but the finger-food approach for a beverage certainly strikes one as novel. The inevitable ‘I Swear to GOD,’ from the Kitchen Manager, hits just the right note. Five Stars: Highly Recommend.
Bathroom Sink: Sipped in drips, the Aquafina on tap at this little out-of-the-way nook is like ambrosia from Olympus on high. Waiting for each droplet, curled and secure, while soaking in the lingering vapors of toothpaste, mint, and Gillette shaving foam from the morning routine, makes this holistic spa experience even more special. In the words of the Sommelier, ‘Please Don’t Nuzzle the Hand Soap.’ Indeed! Five Stars: Highly Recommend.
Toilet: Earthy and aged, this is the thinking cat’s water. A vintage to be appreciated, made all the more appealing by infrequent access due to severely limited availability. The frantic ‘Jesus Christ Get out of there!’ shouted from the Maître D’ adds just the spicy zest you want to round out your hydration experience. Five Stars: Highly Recommend.
Cat Drinking Bowl: A sad little pad-by dive I wouldn’t recommend even if you’ve lost a bet. The plating (or bowling) strikes one as sadly predictable and unengaging. Changed daily, yes—but still a soulless swill fit only for peasants. There’s no substance here beyond the liquid. I would rather lick the shower grout. Zero Stars: Avoid at all costs.
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